Tuesday, April 22
when he's no longer around
some pple wud say treasure the ones ard u..don't wait until the last min when u've got so much to say tat u'd feel so sad & tears start to roll or even more jia lat.. u might even missed the only & last chance to see or to say wat u want to tat person. i mean rship problems here, too. to generalise, it's all abt pple ard u... the ones u love <3
i read kx's blog today & this brought back memories on someone whom i respected the most; someone whom i really missed. tat's y i'd like to bring up wat pple usu say in the 1st part. i truly understood & experienced this part on tat day- the day my grandpa passed away.
not long ago as well, jus afew mths or so, i went to visit ah gong in cgh.. cox his health wasn't in gd condition. a quite feeble elderly, he needs a hand to assist him when walking. for afew yrs he has been losing much weight till his legs barely have any strength for him to walk normally. then jus two wks bef he left, i was quite 'free' at home.. doing nth but i rmb i was jus a lil tired after some exercise or sth. my dad asked me if i'd want to visit ah gong back at ah gong's place..happened tat he was discharged & resting at home everyday. i replied no. this answer seemed to haunt me for quite sometime, bcox of this no, i probably had lost my last chance to see ah gong. sometimes when my dad came home frm ah gong's hse, he'd tell me how much ah gong wished to see me & sometimes when i visited him, he'd be too tired to even open his eyes to tke a look at me. those times i don't realise how much ah gong wished to see me. a small matter like this made me understand the whole story only when he's no longer ard...
ah gong. in my childhood memories, he's the one who doted on me most, guess it's bcox i'm his eldest grandchild. he'd always bring me dwn to tat coffeeshop dwnstairs for breakfast. a playful child, i remembered i'd mke noises at home & being rebellious. sometimes i got out of hand.. & in return got a gd scolding frm ah gong. sad to say i don't even have a photo of myself taken with ah gong. felt bad.
the day of his funeral. my family, together with relatives, close & distant, went dwn to the crematorium. a solemn ceremony. i felt low & remained silent for the entire day. then we were guided to the viewing hall where we cud view the cremator. bcox of religious beliefs, we were told to say our last words to ah gong bef he was moved into the cremator.
"run, ah gong, run! the fire is burning... leave this place. don't stay behind..."
as i said those to ah gong, i yearned for his forgiveness. for those times when i've not been good & listening to him, for those lonely times when i didn't even bother to talk to him and for those times when i lazily used tiredness as an excuse for not paying a visit to his place & tke care of him. seeing my aunts & uncles cried painfully was truly a depressing scene in my life & it'd certainly be the last thing i'd want to see. at this critical moment, i realised how much i missed ah gong. though he's no longer with us, i believe he'd lived in all the hearts of his loved ones.
sometimes we don't really see this as an impt part in human relation... probably bcox we're not sure what does it mean or how to express how much we'd cherish our loved ones & treasure the rship. yes, we'd probably be thinking tat a simple tat 3-word sentence will do. i guess we shld see stuff like this in a way tat we treasure the fate between one another. it's not easy to see this bcox we're dealing with so many pple ard us- our friends, our colleagues etc. wat's the key thing here is tat thse pple form a very, very small proportion of the world's population, meaning out of the world there's billions of pple ard & u've got chance to meet & be with pple u know, not forgetting ur loved ones, having them in part of, or in ur entire life, even if tat one person only encounter u within a short period of time in ur life. be it a casual friend whom u've worked with for a short term or some bmt friends.
don't forget all these people who may have bring laughter into ur life, or whom u've been thru thick & thin with. in short, rmb tat u're fated to know tat one person. remember the fate.
the rest is left unwritten
世间停留在9:07 PM