when he's no longer around

some pple wud say treasure the ones ard u..don't wait until the last min when u've got so much to say tat u'd feel so sad & tears start to roll or even more jia lat.. u might even missed the only & last chance to see or to say wat u want to tat person. i mean rship problems here, too. to generalise, it's all abt pple ard u... the ones u love <3

i read kx's blog today & this brought back memories on someone whom i respected the most; someone whom i really missed. tat's y i'd like to bring up wat pple usu say in the 1st part. i truly understood & experienced this part on tat day- the day my grandpa passed away.

not long ago as well, jus afew mths or so, i went to visit ah gong in cgh.. cox his health wasn't in gd condition. a quite feeble elderly, he needs a hand to assist him when walking. for afew yrs he has been losing much weight till his legs barely have any strength for him to walk normally. then jus two wks bef he left, i was quite 'free' at home.. doing nth but i rmb i was jus a lil tired after some exercise or sth. my dad asked me if i'd want to visit ah gong back at ah gong's place..happened tat he was discharged & resting at home everyday. i replied no. this answer seemed to haunt me for quite sometime, bcox of this no, i probably had lost my last chance to see ah gong. sometimes when my dad came home frm ah gong's hse, he'd tell me how much ah gong wished to see me & sometimes when i visited him, he'd be too tired to even open his eyes to tke a look at me. those times i don't realise how much ah gong wished to see me. a small matter like this made me understand the whole story only when he's no longer ard...

ah gong. in my childhood memories, he's the one who doted on me most, guess it's bcox i'm his eldest grandchild. he'd always bring me dwn to tat coffeeshop dwnstairs for breakfast. a playful child, i remembered i'd mke noises at home & being rebellious. sometimes i got out of hand.. & in return got a gd scolding frm ah gong. sad to say i don't even have a photo of myself taken with ah gong. felt bad.

the day of his funeral. my family, together with relatives, close & distant, went dwn to the crematorium. a solemn ceremony. i felt low & remained silent for the entire day. then we were guided to the viewing hall where we cud view the cremator. bcox of religious beliefs, we were told to say our last words to ah gong bef he was moved into the cremator.

"run, ah gong, run! the fire is burning... leave this place. don't stay behind..."

as i said those to ah gong, i yearned for his forgiveness. for those times when i've not been good & listening to him, for those lonely times when i didn't even bother to talk to him and for those times when i lazily used tiredness as an excuse for not paying a visit to his place & tke care of him. seeing my aunts & uncles cried painfully was truly a depressing scene in my life & it'd certainly be the last thing i'd want to see. at this critical moment, i realised how much i missed ah gong. though he's no longer with us, i believe he'd lived in all the hearts of his loved ones.




sometimes we don't really see this as an impt part in human relation... probably bcox we're not sure what does it mean or how to express how much we'd cherish our loved ones & treasure the rship. yes, we'd probably be thinking tat a simple tat 3-word sentence will do. i guess we shld see stuff like this in a way tat we treasure the fate between one another. it's not easy to see this bcox we're dealing with so many pple ard us- our friends, our colleagues etc. wat's the key thing here is tat thse pple form a very, very small proportion of the world's population, meaning out of the world there's billions of pple ard & u've got chance to meet & be with pple u know, not forgetting ur loved ones, having them in part of, or in ur entire life, even if tat one person only encounter u within a short period of time in ur life. be it a casual friend whom u've worked with for a short term or some bmt friends.

don't forget all these people who may have bring laughter into ur life, or whom u've been thru thick & thin with. in short, rmb tat u're fated to know tat one person. remember the fate.




"我很闷的..."

woke up early this morning, thinking it's been a couple of weeks since i last 'live run' myself... was still alive after tat cox i ran 18km, tot i wudn't b able to mke it but... i did it. farfetched, lol. stamina ain't the same as d good old days back when i was running in camp. the rough terrain..hmm..

wondering why wasn't so tired waking up early this morning cox yestd was watching night movie at tm cinema with lao gao long...(hu yinglong). dunno y suddenly he's in tm & jio me... i said i was tired then. but heck.. so went to watch the forbidden kingdom. ok show only..in terms of storyline...it's abt wushu values also.. u'd realise nowadays in magazines the movies r rated ard 2 to at most 3.5 out of 5..barely 4. this one, too..mayb 3. kinda weird cox u'd realise all asian cast speaking english...& time frame is modern, then going back way beyond...古代(gu dai)...u know, like 武侠小说. i guess they were all speaking english bcox of one ang moh traveller in the show. he's got wushu backgrd..nice. interesting wushu fighting & dam funny as well. jackie chan...& liu yi fei..wah chio. up. watch it & u'll know...

gd thg tat monday is a zoh boh day for me.. v free.. tuitioning only at night. so i packed up & cycled dwn my way to safra for a free swim..lols. it's good there. nice pool. relaxing sunbathing...cool. afew chio bu, ok lah, in their 'two-piece' suits but wasn't d attention-seeking type.. ha:D

v sian.. cox as usual alone by the pool. so after a swim & abit of tanning, i went to sign up for d ahm this yr. a lil diffren this yr cox thre'd b no 21km for the non-competitive cat. so i still went for it..but.. it's the competitive cat...twenty bucks only & settled. details, goodies & stuff will b informed again for collection at some place which the admin officer didn't say. saw a major in no.3...nb i tot was francis kee...wanted to greet him, cox tat fellow..aiya i guess i shld recommend him go beijing 101 or yun nam haircare... sarcastic, lol. better not laugh..if not nxt time i may step into a haircare centre too :x

last sat. was marking pieces of students hw & preparing hw for students as well.. si beh bo bian cox exams r jus rd the corner...their corner, not mine, lol. but it's my responsibility leh.. if they fail (touchwood) or didn't mke any improvement, then my rice bowl's gonna show some cracks... jia lat. better go temple pray abit, ha:D

lonely nite with so much wrk to do, so might as well switch on tv & watch shows to relax abit...then i saw this. heyhey.. not bad sia..wat's ur pick?

all so tall.. stressed:x

stress bcox of wrk.. but this indeed brighten up my nite..haha as i burn midnite oil yet again. i rmb shortest amongst the 5 is 176cm...& their average age ard 20 nia..wth, man. but i doubt they'd reach my hgt.. 189 leh, oops. so far for 21 yrs until this day, i only came across(not on tv) one lady who's slightly taller than me.. i thk she's abt 193cm, with her bf somemore..even taller....wooh. but tat time i was sec 2 i thk.. at 186 or 188.

back at the show, i guess no.1 & 2 not bad..no.3 ok... but if must choose, i'd choose no.2.. yao de:)) haha.. v tall..180cm...wow. sunshine girl...wat more do u want? good ah good ah:D

girls in my league..gd. but i guess i'd nvr b in theirs...ha. sigh...

entire show making 宪哥(jacky wu) feel so stressed & strained (on his neck)...lols. i thk my sis got chance to b like 1 of them in afew yrs time. now sec 3, at 174cm..ho;)

the day jus goes on like this.. v sian. a doing-nth me has got nth to do. so switched on my pc & started screening videos... mobtv..:D

i realised some local drama serials r actually not bad..in terms of their storylines & esp a good cast. some of thse r really out to own the star awards. usu i'd catch prospective episodes of serials, esp if i wudn't b able to watch the episode at the broadcasting time, or to catch up episodes tat i've missed. sitcoms r lame, but funny sometimes. it's not easy to produce some really funny sitcoms, shows or movies this era. not sure is it bcox of the high stress lvl of society now tat pple tend to look at thgs v seriously tat they can't relax & have themselves a lil laugh or gig.

talk abt movies... like sometime l8r this yr jack neo's gonna release another of his own production.. 钱不够用2 (money not enough). having somewat high expectations cox usu pple wud expect some 2nd series movie to b better than the 1st.. but i guess this 1st series of money not enough was quite a gd show (box office almost 6 million) tat depicts realistic part of s'porean lives, when s'poreans really stress until can cry.. or willing to wrk hard, even if lowly paid, to mke ends meet. i think this part is solid, lor. so wud expect the 2nd series to be a worth-watching one.. better if funnier.

a lao gao... when nth to do, he'll start to touch himself.. err i mean self-touch. i mean 自摸(zi mo)...

get wat i mean? zi mo hu.. tat's my 7th or 8th time 2day already. and i zi mo xiao niao..no wonder they say "more birds more luck". zi mo luck comes ard me when i need it but ain't gonna hook me..it's jus tat my luck is good 2day...

see? easily 5番...(5 tai). those who mahjong always like to say when luck comes, you can't block or direct it away.. so u huat already? haha:D

blog abit long...cox yestd too tired to do a post so..yep.

updates coming up. meanwhile, signing off

just slacking around...

very sian cox nth to do everyday. busy days just wed & thu now... feel like i'm working too over. over that bit of money. no choice also. no decent recommendation or qualification. days like these seemed so helpless. what to do? try to look more on the +ve side of life loh :)

students nowadays quite active in their ccas, events & stuff, leaving behind a pile of unanswered question pprs, waiting for tutors to lend them helping hands. it's not easy to strike a balance between curricular & academic stuff. it has always been something parents & teachers wish to see in the students all these years. is it activities like these that build up students' hectic schedules that they are too busy or stress to handle sports & homework appropriately?

i noticed something common whenever my students started to ask questions that they don't know how to do. as such, most of them would just hang their minds in mid air & wouldn't bother to think about how they should go about doing the questions, then at least if they get stuck in the midst of working out the solutions, i can drop hints & guide them along. sometimes i might ask them why, what do you think & questions to prompt them, so they'd think further. othertimes they'd just reply, "aiya, very tired. can't think leh.."

i think the world outside is changing rapidly that even i, myself can't be sure to adapt quickly to such changes. sometimes i think there's something out there for me to do. it could be small matters or something very important. it seemed so misty out there, probably cox i hadn't think of what i'd want to do in the future, or vice versa. there'd also be something that's hesitating me or hindering me.

i hoped for someone who had the answers to my doubts.