What were you thinking?
dreamt alot every night. different dreams. weird, boring, pleasurising, exciting. been thinking quite alot these days. randomly abt almost everything. from high level maths sums to ways i can attempt to up my low gross income & fashion pick-ups to what r pple really thinking abt each other. makes me wonder certain conjectures & my imagination just went wild freely.
like what i shld wear at this age, where to go search for the best-selling books to read, thrilling movies, walking down the ever-busy orchard road. what strangers ard u r really thinking, what's going thru their minds. how they look at u, your dress code, your hairstyle & your expression. a penny for a thought.
relations & ties between men & women, friends, fathers & sons, mothers & daughters in-law, teachers & students and bitches & bastards. whatever.
what pple actually think abt one another. they don't have to show their true expressions on their faces. some don't hide these expressions. these pple r straightforward, once they know they r trying to hide their feelings or opinions abt others they'd feel uneasy. end up they'd just tell u straight in your face. anyhow, these pple r also worth befriending cox u wouldn't want friends who r not true to u or backstabbers...the worst. some pple wouldn't want to think much abt what others say or think abt them. they won't have the mind of suspicion on others & as well as thinking what others r saying behind them...worse still, thinking that pple r always talking bad behind their backs.
i wouldn't say i had met that many pple of different personalities. some very different ones r those who r actually testing u to whether u r the type of friend he's looking for. they aren't very scheming, but just more sensitive, bcox they aren't those who smile at u & okay, the next time meet, both'd be like old friends- as in dinosaur friends- friends whom you've known for very long time.
adults. here i mean those much older than me, ard their forties. i was wondering whether the problem between mothers-in-law & their daughters-in-law have already existed since birth of mankind or negative. in some families where both roles coexist, they r actually in good terms, maybe even better than the mother & son relation. some of which r just in compromising situations but no major disputes between the two roles. it's like a stretched rubber band, both ends compromising the extended relation brought better bcox of magnanimity. on the other hand, the extent of snapping is also within the extreme as at any time, the rubber band might just snapped off. piak!
compromising one another when we're talking abt relations is just one of the 101 approaches to a better built relation. but it musn't be taken for granted bcox there's a limit to how much a person can accept compromises. if one just feels easy cox the other is always giving, then one day the latter might just turn tables & disagreements will just come opaque. in short, never treat a tiger like a sick cat just bcox it doesn't roar at you...
it's not an easy task to take bad compliments with gratitude. some pple just wouldn't accept bad comments abt them while others can take them as lessons learnt or stepping stones to better themselves. some take words, or rather casual remarks, seriously while others can live them off like songs being sang. lalala...
i think it's bcox sometimes we don't take some time to put ourselves in the shoes of others. i understand how u feel; this comforting sentence is not always agreeable, bcox what is shown on the person's face might not match what the person actually feels. the extent is within great extremes. it could be a tragedy & the person is really down, maybe lost, and the heart is really in pain, though it could just be another metaphor cox the pain is definitely not the same as the pain one would experience during a heart attack. then, the expression shown on the face could be just a simple sad face, or maybe a speechless expression.
many, many types of pple. many, many different views on how pple interpret personalities. it's never easy to truly understand, but do take a chance, cox everyone would want a listening ear. it'd be good if pple could take forgiveness as a step to correct their views on others, then giving them a second chance.
then your next step shld be to forget...
nag. nag. nag.
frankly speaking, no one likes someone's continous nagging. it's just like a malfunctioned cassette recorder that keeps repeating a same old part over & over again. but why u want to nag non-stop? sometimes we don't understand cox only the person himself knows why & how he felt when he keeps nagging. sometimes parents nag. or rather they always. cox they r concerned abt their children. ma occasionally apologises, saying that her audibility has deteoriated over the years bcox of aging. i can understand, though at times i just got carried away & attempted to talk back, or even ignore her. all these years, i often got home late, very late sometimes. i'd always see lighting in the living room as i got back at my doorstep & i'd always know it's pa. though i was allowed to be back home late with no curfew or whatsoever, i know pa's still worried. so i told him not to worry & told him to turn in early every night. but this isn't just gonna help. cox he might not be sleeping while in bed, still worrying. sometimes i work on my pc till midnight or later, he'd wake up & advise me to turn in early. then i'd always reply "ok.. soon".
in the past i don't really understand what is the concern abt or how much is the concern when we talk abt one being concerned abt another. now i think i can appreciate the effort of concerning. maybe nxt time your father or mother or whoever dotes on u is nagging or showing their concern, don't try to neglect them or don't just simply say that you're fine, don't worry abt me, stuff like this, esp when u know you're not. cox it's just another means to hurt them indirectly, in a way to show that u don't appreciate their concern or simply trying to ignore their concern & cox this might just happen to u in the future when your children says the same thing as u, just like now, how u treat your parents' concerns. i wouldn't want my children to say that i'm annoying or complain that i always "huh" them whenever i have problems hearing what they're trying to say or when i interpret what they say in an incorrect manner. but all this i guess every child will understand when he or she reaches adulthood.
it's true that we shouldn't look at surface of things, but rather try to understand why such a decision is being made. when others try to put things down or to forget the past, pick a decision out of two or many, we shouldn't question them why or to add in bad compliments or remarks, thinking that they have made a wrong decision or whatever, but rather to understand why they'd want to take up that decision.
understanding others isn't always easy. it may take a short while. it may take years.
it's just a matter of time...
